Thursday, February 04, 2016

I have eaten the communication breakdown burger, and it tastes terrible!

There are more stressful than usual things afoot here. Sorry for the hiatus and I will visit you all soon!

In the meantime, here is a big, open FUCK YOU, POTTERY BARN!

I have a marketing background. Obviously, whoever you hired to do your marketing is smoking crack. Or pot, more likely. Because only someone completely stoned would have this brainstorm:

Hmm, someone ordered a comforter from our website.
I know! Let's sign them up for EVERY EMAIL LIST FOR EVERY COMPANY WE OWN! And let's make them unsubscribe INDIVIDUALLY, EACH TIME, FROM EACH LIST! Even though she may not have heard of some of these places!

Fuck you, Pottery Barn! I may just send your marketing department some edible penises, or used sex toys.

Monday, January 04, 2016

Get thee the fuck out of my state, Vanilla ISIS!

Can I just say, it's really demoralizing when the state you live in makes national news for a) shitty weather, b) your Governor thinking with his dick, and c) Caucasian terrorists from out of state camping out in the gift shop of a park in your state, "defending" two people whose families don't want Caucasian terrorists defending them.

As Ebony magazine points out, there's a whopping double standard in the fact that these armed jackasses aren't called terrorists (read: they're white.) Twitter put it well: "Armed black people are called thugs. Armed brown people are called terrorists. Armed white people are called militias."

Meanwhile, I have been laughing my ass off about #YokelHaram, #VanillaISIS, #YallQaeda, etc. These jerkoffs don't deserve any respect. Anyone who needs to storm a gift shop (yes, they're in the gift shop), armed, has got to be hung like a peanut.

In other news, the rest of the country is *also* laughing at us, because a few inches of snow shut down our entire metro area for the better part of today. Did that stop anyone from driving like an idiot? Come on! This is Oregon, after all.

I plan to catch up on blogs very soon. What's going on in your neck of the woods?

Monday, December 21, 2015

Socks and underwear

As a kid, I thought socks and underwear were shitty holiday gifts. But the week before Christmas, we delivered socks at a place that also gives out underwear, and the recipents couldn't be happier.

Each year, my organization gets donations for and puts together bags of toiletry items, socks and a warm item (hat, scarf, gloves, etc.) for people living with mental illness who are homeless. I'm super proud of our outreach committee because we put this on ourselves this year, with no corporate sponsorship, and we got more than 500 bags of donations!

I volunteer at the organization where we donated them, and got to help at the holiday party last Saturday. People were so happy to get the basics. It was humbling. I've never had to get socks or toothpaste from complete strangers.

That's me and my friend K with Donnie, "Red," and Rick. 

What never ceases to amaze me, however, is that some idiots give us USED things that no one would want.

A tip for the uninitiated: no one wants your used socks or chapsticks! Or condoms, for that matter. 
We also got condoms donated from the health department, which cracked up some of the guests.
One lady asked me, "Why did we get condoms?" And I replied, "We want everyone to have as Merry a Christmas as possible!"

Hope you enjoy the holidays. If you are able, think about taking some new socks or undies to your local organization that helps the homeless. It will be much appreciated.

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

You can has social skillz?

Sometimes my social filters just disappear. Not often, but always at an inopportune time. And horribly. (Like remarking to a person with low vision the other day, "Put on your sunglasses! Otherwise the sun will blind you!" Yes, really.)

But a few times lately I've had the joy of hearing someone goof this way with me, and it made me feel so good to not be on the "oops" side of a social situation!

As with everything, I would not, could not make this up. To make you even more proud, I managed not to snicker until after situation #1 and situation #2.

Situation #1, over coffee with a volunteer.
Me: Referring to 20 years ago when I was in college and there weren't many mental health resources for students.
Volunteer: "You're that old?"
(Note: she is 70.)

Situation #2, at a work event with another volunteer.
Volunteer: "I really appreciate your help, and all that you do! AND you're bipolar!"
Me: "No, I'm not."
Volunteer: "Well, I know you're something. What are you?"
Me: "I have major depressive disorder."
Volunteer: "Well, that's even worse!"

Situation #3, on Thanksgiving with friends.
Me to friend A (who is a guy): "So how was that date with that girl Jennifer?"
Friend B to friend A: "Oh my God! I thought you were gay!"

We all laughed (including friend A) for five solid minutes. Meanwhile, friend A posted that exchange on his Facebook page, and one of his gay friends wrote back, "Boy, is her gaydar off!"

Just glad none of these were from me.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Apocalpyse later

I'm seriously overdue (again) for a post and visiting blogs. Don't hate me!

Things have been seriously busy at home and work. I know you can relate. This weekend I had to drive down to small town about 2 1/2 hours away from here (I made it home in two hours last night with no tickets, yay!) for our conference for work. We choose this location because it's about 2 or 3 hours from just about everywhere in the state (yes, Oregon is that small.) But aside from the hotel, there's basically nothing there. (Tip for the uninitiated: Carl's Jr. is ranked the #9 restaurant in town by Trip Advisor. No, I am not making this up.)
On the drive down from Portland, you very quickly realize that you're in bumblefuck Egypt and start seeing apocalyptic billboards.

Billboard #1: "Lust damns you to HELL!" (Complete with a picture of flames.) Damn, I'm already fucked.

Billboard #2: "Saturday is the true Sabbath, hijacked by the antichrist! Free booklet! For more information, call..."

Billboard #3: "Addicted to porn? Jesus came to set captives free!" Picture of an ecstatic looking man jumping up in the air like the old Toyota commercials. (If you're too young to remember those, don't tell me.)

Clearly everyone in this part of the state is voting for Donald Trump.

However, I'm pleased to say that the apocalypse didn't happen when I was there. As my friend K noted, "If you lived in that town, you'd be waiting for the apocalypse too!"

I have to say that the highlight of my week was seeing this waiting for me at the health department:
A show of hands, please. Anyone else pick up 1,000 condoms and 500 packets of lube for work? No?
These are actually for holiday bags of toiletries and small warm items and gifts that we put together at work for people who are low-income and often homeless and live with mental illness. That would be a hell of an isolating combination, I think.

The person from the county health department picked up a packet of lube and asked me, "You don't think we'll have a problem with these, right? I mean, people won't think it's to put in their coffee?"

I went back to work and laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.

Friday, October 23, 2015

A protest? I'll bring the goat, of course...

Pardon the long absence. I've been dealing with some stuff. Everyone is safe and sound, but moods (mine) have been in the tank. I promise I will visit your blogs soon!

On the plus side...there is always something to make us laugh.

There is a movement in Portlandia now that has some validity, IMHO - "Stop Demolishing Portland." Essentially residents want developers to stop building up lots, tearing down houses, and putting up monstrosities that ruin the local character and take up most of the greenspace.

We're generally a peaceful bunch, but protesting probably originated in Portland...and we're weird.

So of course, if there's a protest about pulling down an old house, why not bring your pet goat? On a leash? And put it on top of a car?

Photo by Thomas Boyd

It should be noted that the site of the protest was not far from my office, which is now smack dab in the middle of marijuana sales central. Unrelated? I think not...

And what other city in America would have this as a news headline?

Naked burglar climbs into bed with couple, is chased by armed resident, police say

Well, never a dull moment here. How about you?

Monday, October 05, 2015


Just when I had some time to post, we had another mass shooting tragedy - this time three hours away.

These have become so common that we weren't flooded with messages from friends and family. Another day, another body count, another group of people jumping in with politics.

How to express how we feel? Raw. Hurt. Outraged.

I work in mental health advocacy and I live with major depression. After the initial shock of hearing what happened on the radio, we had to prepare for the inevitable media idiocy.

Please question your news agencies and the information that spreads like wildfire. The fact is that study after study has shown that people living with mental illness - like me - are much more likely to be the victims of violent crime, not the perpetrators of it. When we are the perpetrators, we are overwhelmingly more likely to harm ourselves.

One of my friends said it very well: "When it's a white guy who is the perpetrator of something like this, they say it's mental illness. When it's someone of any other color, they say it's terrorism."

The definition of "mental illness" is a misnomer. The majority of the time, you won't know when someone is living with something in the DSM 5.

Someone you know - a family member, a coworker, a friend, a neighbor - lives with some type of mental illness. Does that change how you feel about them?

The same week, we had a conversation with a local high school that was producing a program called "Insanity." They had students dressing up in straightjackets and sold sweatshirts with the name of the high school that said "Psychiatric Hospital" after the name. They responded to our concerns very quickly, but it still stings that people mock and fear illness in your brain rather than illness anywhere else in your body.

We're not monsters. We're your friends, and neighbors, and right now, we are grieving. It would be nice to see some real data and real solutions offered up rather than fear mongering.

If you suspect someone you know is having mental health issues, be kind. Offer them support. It will be appreciated more than you think.